Balloon Vendors

Cheburashka I FOUND YOU!!!

I was walking around and I found the Chinese Cheburashka. Now where the hell is that damn alligator??? The Chinese Cheburashka has a Donald Trump / Rudy Gulliani combover...lovely hairstyle.

Clever Idea

I saw this machine at the mall and thought it was worth mentioning. You step in and a laser measures you precisely and prints out a recipe for the BEST-fitting LEVI jeans. Then you take the ticket to the LEVI's store and you can get a discount on one item. I've heard about these...but I've never seen it in action. The line was too long so I didn't try.

Shaved...not bald please.

Who is this strange Brit you may ask......well, I wanted to get another haircut...and after my failed attempt last time (I showed a picture of James Bond) I needed a new approach. I was walking down the street and saw a guy with short hair ALMOST the way I wanted it. I ran up to him...probably scared the hell out of him as I snuck up behind him....and demanded that he let me take a picture of him so I could show it to the barber. Luckily he complied.

.

A few days later I went to the salon. Chinese salons ARE AWESOME. When you come you get your hair washed twice. The first time...they do it for like 15 minutes...giving you this great head massage. Then they cut...and then they wash again to get all of the stray hairs out...and then they style. All for $2.50USD

.

I was terrified that my hair would turn out to look like that of the hair stylist. I was also scared....since the BRITISH guy is starting to go bald on the sides of his head that the barber would intentionally make me bald also. Fortunately.....my plan was a success and I'm very satisfied with the results.

Amerinese Food

You've got to love my combination of foods here......PIGEON with a side order of FRIES. Connie (who I spent a lot of time with during the Spring Festival) introduced me to a new delicious food. At the far end is a pineapple filled with seasoned rice...coated with cheese. I'm salivating just thinking about it.

Bien Pao = Fireworks

I had so much fun shooting fireworks that I bought them again 2 days later. I recently was informed that the t-shirt that I'm wearing in the picture....one of my favorite t-shirts.....has the symbol for "king" on the front "Z". The Chinese already think (along with every other nation) that Americans are imperialists trying to take over the world......and here I am wandering around proclaiming that I am the KING!!!. GREAT!!!

.
If you look at the picture at the bottom...you can see how nervous I am with some of the fireworks. They are not labelled in English...so a few times I had to guess which side the explosion was going to come out of. Here I am with a lit fuse hoping that the LIVE end is not pointed towards my happy place. Luckily....everything is still in order....so no need to worry.

Master Chef

The next morning we woke up and made Jiao Zu (I have no clue how to spell it correctly). It's tradition for everyone to do this New Years Day. They are little pockets of dough filled with meat......absolutely delicious. I helped to make them.......when they were done.....you could clearly tell which ones I made and which ones they made......Mine were all folded the wrong way, filled with too much meat, or just crumpled up out of frustration. We had to do major surgery on the ones that I put together because they kept falling apart. That's why they eventually gave up on me and said...."OK....YOU EAT WHAT YOU MAKE!"

.

At the top is Hubert's girlfriend

Bien Pao = Fireworks

At night I saw some people shooting fireworks and asked them where they bought them. We ventured out and purchased a TON of fireworks for $10 USD. The top picture is the place where we shot them. The middle picture is Zeno...one of the lawyers from Midea who was kind enough to invite me to join him and his family for lunch the next day. At the bottom is Hubert and Jack (in the white shirt). Jack is my friend from Midea (R&D) who invited me to Hubert's house for the New Year. We really had a good time.....fireworks are typically illegal in this province....but during the new year the police make an exception.

Holiday Dinner

I had no plans for the New Year so some friends were kind enough to invite me over for dinner. As usual...we ate some awkward foods. There's one food that I haven't posted yet.....steamed pig knuckles. Even I refuse to eat it. There are three foods that I dislike in China.....Chicken feet...pig ears....and pig knuckle. Atleast SO FAR.

.
This is the view from their balcony.

Man Made Mangle

I went to play billiards and saw this sign: TREASURE THE THINGS IN COURT...YOU MUST PAY FOR THE "MAN-MADE MANGLE".

.
What the heck are they trying to say? My best guess is "you break it you buy it" or something along those lines......I sure hope they dont make me pay for the man-made mangle.

Hello Kitties Evil Twin

TOP : This is Hello Kitty's evil twin....HELLO KILLY!! - More bootlegged merchandise being peddled at the flower shop.

.

BOTTOM : This guy was making small figurines out of clay. The amazing thing is not the figurines, but the speed with which he made them. Each of these took 2-3 minutes to piece together.

Here Piggy, Piggy

As mentioned before...it's the Year of the Pig here in China. Everywhere you look there are pigs. I went to the flower festival....an annual exhibition near the soccer stadium swamped with people and people selling all sorts of flowers and plants to decorate the house for the holiday.

.

This year it's easy.....a pig can be cute. Last year was the year of the dog...a dog can be cute....NEXT YEAR....Is the year of the rat. How do you make a rat look appealing? I'd love to see those decorations.

New Kids On The Block

There's a park near my apartment. Sometimes I go there to study. I think it's fun when the little kids come up saying "Hello, Hello"..."What's your name?". There are VERY FEW foreigners around....so they get a real kick out of speaking with me. I also like it because I can practice my Chinese.....I can have basic conversations with the kids....name, age, where they're from. At home I would probably be arrested or punched in the face by an angry parent for asking........but here I'm just the friendly American.

Crazy English

This is Yang, the most diligent, hardworking person I've met in my entire life (my roommate). This guy studies English ALL THE TIME. As a matter of fact, he just quit his job so that he could study full-time. His plan is to pass the TOEFL exam within 7 months, move to Vancouver, Canada, and find a full-time job. If I were this disciplined I'd be speaking fluent Chinese by now.

.

The most popular learning series in China is something called "Crazy English". It's created by a guy who's claim to fame is that if you speak....you must speak with confidence. He urges English learners to speak quickly and with force. Personally I think it's a lousy approach. I can always tell when someone has used his method because they come up to me and BOMBARD me with so much information.....A VERBAL ASSAULT. Not only is it impossible to understand CRAZY ENGLISH......but it's impossible to convince CRAZY ENGLISH learners that they need to stop acting like they just injected themselves with amphetamines.

COLGATE

As a completely irrelevant side-note....I read today that COLGATE had trouble selling their toothpaste in Spanish-speaking countries because the word colgate means "to hang yourself" (colgar = to hang / te = you/yourself)

Dont Click That FILE!

A little bit of a funny story occured recently in my coworkers English Class. They couldn't get the laptop started for the projection screen...so they requested to borrow it from the front desk security guard. The security guard released it under ONE condition. He designated one member of the class to load up windows and start the presentation. The student walked in and said..."I must start the computer....there are some pictures here that girls shouldn't see"

EAT GRASS!!!!

Too bad this shop was closed. I would have loved to check out what they offer. I don't understand why they don't ASK before they print things like this. It must be a direct translation

from Chinese. I pointed this out to a fellow traveller and he claims that at the mall there is a "Girlie Titty" vendor. I have yet to confirm this first-hand

Angel OUT OF ME

Saw this graffitied on the wall. It reads "Angel In Me". What exactly this means I'm not sure....political? economic? Your guess is as good as mine?

F-YOU!!!

This is a nice welcoming statue. Though to the best of my knowledge it's the equivalent of the middle finger in Brazil. Maybe someone can confirm this?

Survival in a Can

I went into an athletics shop and saw this product. Click on the picture to see it full-size....how the heck do they fit all that in a tuna fish-sized can? 9.8 ft. cord? Tea? Chewing Gum? Fish Hook? Energy Candy? Pencil and Notepad? Soup packet? - This beyond survival...it's luxury. I'm thinking of buying a bunch of these and taking it as lunch to work every day.

Brain Care, Breast Care..Anyone?

I thought this was a funny sign. There are several things that I found interesting.

1) In some cases you can be a "Jack of All Trades"...but not really in this field. Is the same guy doing all of these things....breast care....lung care....brain care?

2) Breast care is listed twice with different Chinese characters.....does each breast get taken care of independently?

3) What exactly IS brain care?

Unsolved Mysteries

Brokeback Armchair

This is getting a little ridiculous. This is the THIRD chair that I have broken in China.....it's my office chair. One second I'm sitting down, studying Chinese....listening to an MP3. The next I'm on my but stuck under my desk because my chair collapsed. As an added bonus I had my feet up on my PC tower under my desk....so when I fell I got completely stuck and had to wiggle my way out.
.

I've already broken two other chairs in 1 month. One at a restaurant...and one in my apartment. SOMEONE needs to do some quality testing...these chair may work for little people, but certainly not for me.

.

And the funniest part is...that I didn't just break it a little (a loose screw...a wheel came off). I broke the actual plastic frame (the piece sitting on the chair). It did wonders for my self esteem.

Summer Lovin

As part of the Company New Years party it's traditional for "westerners" to make fools of themselves on stage. Though I don't have pictures from the actual performance (NO EVIDENCE!), we had to sing a song. At first, they were determined to make us sing in Chinese. Considering the fact that I have the vocabulary of a 2 years old.....and the added fact that I'm completely tone deaf.....we decided that this was pushing it. Instead, we were stupid enough to select Summer Lovin' from the movie GREASE! It had two roles, was very poppy and jumpy, had a nice tune, and wasn't overly complicated. What we forgot....is that China did not really start to open up it's borders until the late 80's....so ofcourse noone had ever seen or heard of GREASE. So we entertained an room full of people....doing a little song and dance that they COMPLETELY did not recognize. It was definitely a low-point and very embarrassing. It was filmed...so somewhere in China is a video of me butchering Summer Lovin' (with Allison)

Wedding!!

Wen't to a wedding (not my own!) - Pretty exciting....very Western style ceremony except that there is absolutely NO TRACE of any religious proceedings. The Chinese government "outlaws" any official religion...but there are still small parts of Buddhism and other religions mixed into the culture. The company paid "Lucky Money" to the bride and groom (both employees at the firm) and I even GOT money for going. It's polite to reciprocate gifts for good luck....so every attendent at the wedding got an envelope with 10RMB = $1.25USD.

.

I expected to see traditional attire....but it was pretty standard and modern. It is A LOT less formal and not as much of a big deal in China. The ceremony in dinner lasted 2 hours and there were many people in jeans and casual clothes.

Call me Mr. Sexy

I went to get my first haircut in China. Everyone has black straight hair here so the barber had no clue what to do with me. I decided that I would go take a picture of the hairstyle I wanted. I was hoping to get it cut short but couldn't find anyone to photograph. FINALLY....I ran into a poster for 007 Casino Royale. It was not quite what I was looking for, but close enough. EVEN WITH the picture the barber was dazed and confused. He snipped away at my hair...barealy touching his scissors to it. I told him SHORTER!!! so he snipped another 1/8 of an inch....SHORTER!!! another 1/8th of an inch. At this rate it would have taken all day to get it down to the length I wanted. It was NOT a language problem because I had my roommate with me. HE WAS just too nervous cutting "Western" hair. So...in conclusion that's me at the bottom. Not quite James Bond.....but close enough.

PS - I thought the chin hairs were a good extra touch....I think it makes me look more symmetrical...what do you think?

Veggies for Sale

Just a picture of some vegetable vendors....don't really know why I'm posting this.

Circuit City

I was walking around the village and saw this shop - I was curious as to what it was.....It turned out to be the village equivalent of a circuit city. PC repair, motherboards, speakers, headsets, mice keyboards. Just thought it was a little odd to find in this part of town.

NBA Fanatics

I was invited out to play basketbal - HR versus Operations. The manager threatened to FIRE us all if we didn't win (Joking, I Think?) Then I played for another hour with the Sales guys. By the end.....I was ready to drop dead. God did not make me very aerodynamic. I run like a stallion with four broken legs. I have good intentions, full of energy, but still tripping and tumbling across the court. The NBA is HUGE here....especially because YAO MING plays for the Houston Rockets.

DONT SUCK EGGS, GRANDMA!!!!

I almost fell into the toilet when I saw this. As mentioned in a previous post they have little messages over the urinals and in the restrooms. Proverbs and other interesting sayings. Maybe someone else can figure out what this means.

.

"Don't try to teach your grandmother to suck eggs."

.

I've been trying to sort it out....but the more I think the more gross and perverted my logic gets so I've decided to just drop the subject.

.

Either way...I think it's an important lesson for us all. No matter how tempting....just don't teach her!!

Chinese Checkers

I played Chinese checkers (I think?). Every game that they play here is soooo damn complicated. I don't understand.... whatever happened to go fish, or spades, or blackjack. I've thought about it...and heard that all games originated from the monarchy with the wealthies upper class. I think that the upper class did not want the peasents to play the games (and be one of them) so they made them insanely difficult. The most popular game here is Mahjong.....I've been watching and reading and I still have no clue what the heck is going on. The fact is..they LOVE to gamble here. The United States is worried about the trade imbalance....but the secret is to build 1 American casino....Little Las Vegas.....and that's it. No more imbalance. The people here save a large proportion of their income...they don't spend much on entertainment (it's just not part of the culture)...but whip out a Mahjong set and in no time you've got 100RMB bills being thrown around like tissue paper.

Also NOTE: the incredible translation on the game set (top) Apparently the game is titled Jumping and Fkughting.